The Toxicity of the “Ride or Die” Chick

Recently, Snoop Dogg posted a picture of Keisha Koir and Gucci Mane looking blissful on their wedding day. Immediately, in the last line, we see accolades bestowed upon Keisha for enduring drugs, cheating, jail, and rehab to get her happy ending. "Other b*****s" don't deal with even minimal fights, which is directly correlated to solitude. This post-got 453,00 likes, which made me a bit queasy. It brings into the forefront, the “ride or die” chick. Urban dictionary has numerous definitions of a ride or die chick, down a** b*, or a ride or die relationship. However, if you search ride or die n****a, down as man, or anything dealing with the male, you’ll yield ZERO results.

The purpose of this post is to discuss the hypocrisy between the expectations of women versus the expectations or lack thereof of men.

The shift in female/male gender roles has given rise to the ride or die chick in the black community. A woman who is down/loyal at all costs because she’s so in love and sees potential in her man. A woman who is a freak in the sheets, beasts in the boardroom, cooks, cleans, raises kids, and turns a blind eye to all lies and wrongdoings her man puts her through on his way to maturity and profound evolution. If the n****a has no job, she’s going to grind harder to make sure their house is good. If he blatantly cheats with one or more women she’s going to stay loyal because men have needs. The ride or die chick will endure cheating, broken promises, selfishness, and any other toxic behavior to prove her worth. She will be his therapist through years of abuse waiting for validity through a ring, but at what cost?

The emotional and mental damage created in the quest to be ride or die only impacts women (and potentially kids in the household). The burden of worth is placed solely on black women; it creates the narrative that to achieve true love, black women must first suffer. Suffer not for personal achievements like a degree, running a marathon, or starting a business, but for a disrespectful, abusive juvenile male. The question, becomes when did this become acceptable?

This leads to the question… what is a ride or die man? Does the concept even exist. I’ve heard the adage good guys finish last, which implies men possessing positive behavior traits toward women are losing. Instead emphasis is placed on men with big dicks and a huge bank account. The type of men who play mind games and commit to situationships instead of relationships. Men who consider fidelity optional and talking to you romantically, a favor. In relationships where cheating occurs, there are passes granted for men that are not given to women. In Charlemagne Da God’s word, “Men cheat for ego; women cheat for emo,” therefore, it’s easier for women to forgive cheating because it’s purely physical. In fact, there’s almost an expectation women will/should forgive the man. However, women are not granted the same leeway; men rarely say they will stay with a woman after she cheats because it’s outside the character of women. We've all heard "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife."

In addition to a lack of fidelity, men are not expected to uphold a lot of household responsibilities either. Men are rarely expected to cook, clean, or raise their kids. After a long day of work, male responsibilities do not involve preparing a dinner to ensure the entire family eats, helping their kids with their homework, then doing large loads of laundry. Fathers who watch their kids without their wives or nannies around have been gifted the term, "babysitting." Why are male responsibilities more minimal than women?

The key to a healthy ride or die relationship is to ensure there is reciprocity. You are getting back what you put out into the world. It's important to take care of yourself, but also heed the needs of your partner in a healthy relationship. The roles and responsibilities of each party should be explicitly stated, negotiated, and reevaluated through the course of the relationship. Once this is established, the energy of security and safety can be directed toward marriage, business ventures, family, or traveling. Moral of the story, if you're going to be a ride or die chick, make sure it's for a healthy relationship.

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